I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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