my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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