A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
