Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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