Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
