my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize