i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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