Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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