Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
