Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I think my moral compass just broke
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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