Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
