So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
