maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
