All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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