I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
