the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
