i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
