my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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