I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
