sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
