her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
