that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
