i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
