Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
