yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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