Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
