and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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