But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
