Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
