We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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