he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So vagazzling was a success
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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