Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize