i just had sex bonerless
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
