He is an equal opportunity slut.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
