i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
