Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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