Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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