Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
