I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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