my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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