My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
