this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
