I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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