i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
