Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
