walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
