We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
