What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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