its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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