Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
