Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
