She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
