I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize