i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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