I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
