dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
