Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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