The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
