mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
we have officially lost it.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
