there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
