Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize