connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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