24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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