And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize