Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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