Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
How drunk are you?
Completed.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
