What did we do last night that was yellow?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
