i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
