I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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