just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Randomize
