Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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