I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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