I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
