my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
