Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
