there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
His nipple licking is glorious
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