tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
