It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
