i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
50% drunk capacity currently
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
