I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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