on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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