There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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