Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
