I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
