I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
