Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
