Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
