you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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