my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
