Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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