You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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