Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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