I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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