You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Threesome in a minivan. New low
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
