have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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