Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
the raccoons are back...
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