If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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