Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize