Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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