there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
