somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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